In the autumn of 2020, a new referendum was passed, legally mandating two weeks of paternity leave. These ten days off work can be taken within six months of the birth of the child, either together or individually. Switzerland is behind Finland, Spain, Slovenia, Lithuania, and Portugal, which have between three and nine weeks of paternity leave enshrined in law. Since the introduction of paternity leave in Switzerland, new fathers are increasingly reducing their workload so as to help with childcare and household chores. The attitude of employers should not be underestimated in this development. They have a strong influence: do they only allow the legally prescribed paternity leave, or are they prepared to give additional support to employees? One thing is clear: those fathers employed by companies permitting them longer paternity leave, flexible working hours, and the option to reduce their working hours have a much easier time actually achieving a work-life balance. On the other hand, those fathers working at companies that only grant the minimum paternity leave, require continuous in-person attendance with no option to work from home, and do not allow for any adjustment of the workload, are clearly at a disadvantage.
Despite a great deal of progress being made over the past few decades and although we, as individuals, can no longer imagine much of how things used to be, the structures of our social coexistence are still heavily dominated by traditional gender roles and patriarchal thought patterns: whether, for example, in the case of retirement insurance (AHV), the taxation of married couples, or even companies that often only offer mothers adequate work and family solutions. The existing structures show that there is still an assumption that women will have children and then be the primary care giver. Men, in turn, are expected to primarily pursue gainful employment and be responsible for the financial security of the family. However, these structures do not meet the needs of fathers (and mothers too!) to be dads and to play an active role as fathers.
In everyday life, it is the little things that are taken for granted and that reveal these old thought patterns: a mother is implicitly expected to look after the child – a father, on the other hand, is praised when he does the same. Isn’t it fantastic that he also “babysits” sometimes! At the same time, however, a father who focuses exclusively on gainful employment and is less involved in the household and childcare is denigrated as being not modern, old-fashioned, and cementing old gender roles. This puts fathers in a strange position: on the one hand, nowadays they are socially expected to make a commitment to childcare and engage in family life over and above financial security. At the same time, they are often confronted with notions that consider their commitment to the household and to childcare as remarkable. And all in all, there is a lack of the structures required to support fathers so that they can reconcile both gainful employment and their role as fathers.
One thing is clear: even if working conditions are changing, there is still a lot of scope for improvement in terms of work-life balance for fathers. For example, the fact that the option of part-time working is often only offered to mothers seems understandable if one assumes that mothers reduce their workload much more frequently than fathers. But in order to change this reality, companies need to also take the needs of fathers into account and quite simply also offer fathers the opportunity to work part-time.
How should a couple divide up the work, childcare, and household chores? Obviously, there is no solution to parenthood. Conversely, as long as both parents are comfortable and no one is short-changed, it is up to each couple to decide how to organize themselves. It is only important for the couple to find the optimal distribution of work and tasks. In doing so, it is important to take each other’s ’wishes, demands, and needs into account. Clear and open communication is essential. It is a good idea to have these discussions when you first start planning a family, i.e. before having children, and to take the time to deal with the numerous questions: which of us will reduce our work time and by how much? Should we agree on a 50/50 split? Or will one work more and the other stay home more? How should we divide up the days of the week? What is the ideal reduction in our workloads in terms of the subsequent financial consequences? Do we need external childcare? If so, what kind? Should the child go to daycare? Or is a nanny perhaps a better fit for us?
All these questions can quickly seem overwhelming and can cause conflicts within the couple. profawo offers counselling on these topics. You can find more information at the end of the blog.
Work-life balance for fathers is not only a structural issue and a question of corporate realities. It is also a social issue. The children of today are tomorrow’s adults. For healthy development, children need a secure bond, built on relationships. If fathers are given a better work-life balance, they can spend more time with their children and thus build a closer relationship. From this perspective, the importance and value of the bond between fathers and their children cannot be overstated - this relationship is as important as that between a mother and child. It is therefore more than desirable for fathers to take time and be present in the relationship with their children. In addition to the child’s development, the parents’ relationship can also benefit from a present father: responsibility for the child and the child’s well-being and development into a stable, self-confident individual can only really be shared if both parents are actively involved. In turn, the feeling of bearing this responsibility together as a couple can have a relieving and bonding effect at the same time.
We have put together a few ideas for activities that fathers can use to strengthen the bond with their children:
It has been scientifically proven that children benefit on many levels when they are read to regularly: it promotes language skills and expands vocabulary and stories also stimulate children’s imagination and memory. In addition, reading aloud creates a sense of closeness.
Starting school is a big step for a child. Life is no longer just about playing - suddenly there is homework to do and tests to pass. The so-called serious side of life begins. It is especially important to support the child in this process. Doing homework together and helping with learning can give the child a sense of security. The resulting sense of achievement strengthens the bond.
Doing chores around the house with young children is also rewarding at a relationship level. However, the goal must be the journey! Don’t attempt to consistently achieve a big to-do list. Children love to be allowed to lend a hand, to cook together, to set the table together: during all these activities, the child learns new skills which, in turn, strengthens self-confidence. Shopping together is also a suitable activity: the very youngest can explore the world from a baby carrier, while older children can help with the shopping and push their own shopping trolley.
Physical closeness is enormously important for children. It gives them a feeling of security and safety. Cuddling also helps to build up the immune system. It is also good for the parents to enjoy this closeness to the child. Most people immediately think of mothers when they think of cuddling children - although closeness to fathers is just as important. Especially as children grow older, it is important to remember that not all children need and enjoy the same amount of physical affection.
Children often learn about hobbies and activities through their parents. Here, fathers also have the chance to pass on their own interests to children and perhaps discover a new passion with them. Of course, it is important not to force the child to do something. Perhaps father and child will discover a new, shared hobby?
It sounds very simple, but it is extremely effective. If a child knows that they can talk to their father at any time about anything, a close trusting relationship can be built up and the child will feel comfortable and safe. This strong bond may then last throughout the child’s adult life too.
Most fathers probably do this anyway. It is also a very simple way to strengthen the relationship with the child. Whether it’s LEGO, dolls, puzzles, or anything else - a father’s involvement is worth its weight in gold and brings the child enormous joy.
Music promotes both language development and - through dancing - the ability to move, because beautiful sounds create connections. Whether you rehearse a number together for Mom or dance to the child’s favorite CD, it’s guaranteed to be fun and create great memories.
The trend towards equal rights for all is still in full swing and there is still much to be done. A more open and flexible mindset offers new opportunities - including for fathers. There is a growing understanding of men who want to focus more on childcare rather than exclusively on work. However, some societal expectations and prejudices towards men - but also women and other genders - will probably be around for a while.
However, this should not stop fathers from taking on a less traditional role and spending more time on childcare and housework. Both parents are a valuable part of the family and can lead a happy and balanced family life through efficient communication and joint responsibility. Companies can also provide valuable support to their employees.
Courses and workshops for parents have proliferated in recent years. However, we think that there should be more offers specifically for fathers where general parenting tips, work-life balance and being a parent are concerned. profawo is therefore constantly developing its offer.
For fathers
profawo is offering several online sessions for fathers this year:
For (expectant) parents
We are grateful for your input - let us know what offers you would like to see as a father, but also as a mother or parent! Send us an email to schweiz@profawo.ch.