Why rituals are so important for children

Why do we need rituals when raising children?

Recurrent actions provide security in everyday life and help us to orientate ourselves. Rituals have the same effect on children – right from birth. Infants very quickly commit recurrent actions and routines to memory, helping children to process the many images they gather during the day. In addition, rituals promote language acquisition and independence, they help to set rules and boundaries, and they create order and orientation for the child. Furthermore, regular rituals can reduce children’s fears and help them cope better with crises. Rituals are important and helpful for children of any age.

Rituals give children a sense of security and stability

Rituals in everyday life give children a sense of security and stability. They help children to recognise predictable routines and to prepare for events. A good example of this is to regularly read a story aloud before bedtime. During the reading routine, children begin to adjust to the fact that they will go to sleep afterwards, making falling asleep easier - it also helps if the story is soothing!

Rituals promote emotional development

Regular rituals can help children focus on their feelings and emotions. By recognizing and experiencing emotions, children can learn to express, name, and regulate their own emotions. For example, through regular conversations at the dinner table, children can share their experiences and learn how to talk about and express emotions.

Rituals strengthen the sense of belonging to the family

Rituals promote bonding and children’s sense of belonging. When children experience rituals regularly, it creates a sense of community and cohesion. This also presents an opportunity to spend time together and create valuable memories. An example is cooking and eating a meal together, where everyone can help and so time is shared together.

Rituals help children to take responsibility

By introducing rituals, children can learn to take responsibility. When children participate in a regular ritual, such as being involved in regular household chores, they learn a sense of taking responsibility for their home.

Overall, rituals form an important part of raising children. They give children security and stability, promote their emotional development and strengthen the sense of togetherness in the family. Parents also have the opportunity to introduce rituals which are tailored to the needs of their family to create a solid foundation for their children’s well-being.

Rituals at the kids & co day-care centres

It is important for the recurrent structures to allow scope for the individual needs of the children. A day at the day-care centre is characterised by many new experiences and sensory impressions. Processing all these impressions uses up a lot of the children’s energy. These many new discoveries must be countered by a certain element of reliability and predictability in the day’s events. Children are only able to engage with new learning content within a reliable framework. Habits also form a reliable and trustworthy starting point in developing a desire to make new experiences.

Recurrent actions and routines help children to process the many impressions gained during the day. The rituals accompany children throughout the day at the day-care centre and give them security. Even when arriving in the morning, a repetitive routine involving hanging up their jacket and putting on their slippers can form an important ritual which helps children to have a familiar and safe start to the day.

Transitions during the day are introduced at the day-care centre through recurrent actions, songs or sayings. The ritual for the transition from free play to the morning circle can take the form of a tidying-up song, for example. The children know that afterwards, all children will come together for a joint sequence. Festivals throughout the year as well as the children’s birthdays are marked with rituals which are integrated into the daily routine on that particular day. The departure of a child or a staff member is also celebrated with a consistent sequence. Thus, such a change in the children’s lives is accompanied by a predictable routine and familiar rituals.

Children benefit greatly from fixed rituals. How to start meals, the order of hand washing after meals, what activities accompany sleeping and resting – these are situations that need well-structured ritualized routines.

The children at the kids & co day-care centres encounter the following rituals in their daily routine:

- Arriving at the day-care centre
- Communal morning circle
- Breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack
- Care situations
- Sleep patterns
- Tidying up rituals
- Celebrations, such as birthdays or the Advent season
- Transitional activities, such as going outside or to the painting studio
- New children or staff arriving and leaving
- The transition to going home

These rituals give children a sense of security, community, and time, they promote the bond and trust level, social competence, self-esteem, and independence and they enable participation and educational processes.

 Tips and tricks for the home environment

As we now know, children need recurrent activities, i.e. rituals, so that they can orient themselves in terms of the time of day and know what will happen next.

Rituals for falling asleep

In order for bedtime to go smoothly, some structure is recommended:

• Short sequence of play, depending on the resources available to the parents. Whether alone or in pairs, this can be a game that the child experiences with or without a parent.
• Approximately 20-30 minutes before bedtime, the routine starts: diapers, putting on pyjamas and brushing teeth.
• Last but not least, picture books or singing together, reciting verses and “cuddling” are beneficial accompaniments.
• When the children are a little older, the day can be reviewed together in bed: “What did you particularly enjoy today? What are you proud of? What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
• Kind words from parents help children to fall asleep happily. In addition, it helps some children to fall asleep independently if they know where their parents are or what they are still doing. This gives them the necessary confidence that their parents are available at all times.

Rituals at mealtimes

The atmosphere at the table is often strongly influenced by values. These are defined by the parents and then lead to appropriate rituals. Eating should be seen as a communal experience and there should be room for exchange.

The following rituals are supportive:

• Eating together.
• Serving children first, especially if the food is hot.
• Starting together: a verse, a song or simply “Bon appétit” help to orientate the child.
• From about 18 months, you can involve the child in small cleaning up tasks (for example, putting the cutlery in a container). The older the children get, the more they can help with clearing the table, doing the dishes, emptying the dishwasher or cleaning the table.
• Brushing teeth afterwards helps to transition to the next sequence (for example, nap time).

Tidying up rituals

How neatly and regularly toys are tidied away is defined individually by each family. They then pass on their ideas to the child.

The following rituals have proven useful:

• A bell or a song can be used to ring or accompany the tidying up.
• Make tidying up playful: “sort the toys by colours”, “dive into a fantasy world” or a “race to see who can tidy up fastest”.
• Something that has been built should also be given “pride of place” and left there for a while.

The important thing to remember about tidying up rituals is that the younger children are, the more help they need during tidying.

Comforting rituals

If a child has hurt him/herself or is hurt, angry or sad, affection from caregivers is needed. It often helps to hug the child and ask what has happened.

The following rituals are appropriate:

• Blow away pain, frustration, etc.
• Put a Band-Aid on physical injuries (even if the “hurt” is not necessarily visible).
• Sing a song or recite a verse or a rap you made up yourself (then the child is sure to laugh again quickly).
• Think together about what can help the child feel happy again (play a game together, tell a story, look at a photo album).

Rituals for brushing teeth

Brushing teeth can lead to a daily power struggle between parents and children. It usually helps if the ritual is adjusted repeatedly.

Here are a few ideas that can support teeth brushing:

• Singing - made-up songs are the most popular: the child can wish for whatever they want on their teeth or where they want to fly to and whom they want to take with them.
• Car wash – turn their toothbrush into a car wash to keep things clean. Make suitable sounds or tell a suitable story.
• Give the teeth names and show that you are happy with your child when each tooth has been properly brushed.
• Use an hourglass as a timer.